tofu beats the stuffing out of turkey (a true holiday story)

i walked up to ring the doorbell and was struck by the buttery sick smell of semen. i stepped into the bushes, trying unsuccessfully to find the source, and when she opened the door she asked, "doesn't it smell like semen out here?" i assured her it did, and we made our way upstairs to an exceptionally controversial game of Scrabble.

and these are merely the mentionables of how i spent the third Thursday in November.