two weeks ago

i woke up as if from a dream, but i had not slept.

i was gripped by the Hunger and so i sat, eating peanut butter crackers in the floor and thinking about the cockroaches that would come if i did not put my scraps away. i scraped peanut butter from the jar and marveled at how there would always be more to scrape out, how the jar is my mind and what an impossible task it is to ever make it clean.

i began to doubt the possibility of enlightenment.

but then i realized it was only the shape of the jar that made the task so difficult, that perhaps next time i would be born with a different container for my thoughts. and then it occurred to me:

perhaps instead of using a knife or a spoon,
maybe i could just rinse it out with water.