blame

i want to blame it on the low pressure, or the sound of the rain, or my obsessing over a new computer before bed. but i think maybe it was the dream.

i woke at 2:22am from a dream of [her]. we were on speaking terms, but she didn't seem to realize that i was gone; she didn't seem to realize i wasn't ever coming back. it was almost as if it was beyond her realm of comprehension, even when i reminded her what happened during those first three weeks away. we were talking in a car in the town where we used to live, there were Japanese weeping cherries throughout the parking lot.

i do not know if i will return to sleep this night.

i like the sound of the rain, i like that everyone else is sleeping. i like that they shut down the school tomorrow, i like that school is part of my life again - i like that she isn't.