my yin v. Amanda Palmer

one of these women is my yin:

the other, my pretend girlfriend from October 2004 - June 2008:

and these past weeks, while writing a research paper on Amanda Palmer, i learned that she and my yin share the same birthday:

tomorrow.

this idea started looping around in my head as i went deeper into my project, and i began thinking about how much time i was spending with Amanda late at night, how much time was spent looking at pictures of her, how much time was spent reading her words, how much time was spent writing about what she means... eventually my mind turned to the fight between my yin and Igor Stravinsky.

i started wondering what would happen if my yin and Palmer were to meet, and i remembered the time Jonathan "The Herring Wonder" Ames fought David "Impact Addict" Leslie in the Box Opera:

Ames and Leslie square off in 1999

i had driven non-stop from Lawrence, Kansas, to Manhattan trying to catch the fight, but by the time i arrived i was too tired and sleep-deprived to stay awake past 125th Street, much less all the way downtown. but this is beside the point.

the point is that i remember Ames writing about the upcoming bout in the New York Press, attempting to assess his chances:

"Leslie is white, 42, stands 5-feet 10-inches and weighs 178 pounds. I’m white, 35, 5-11 and weigh 152. He has a lot more fight experience, but he’s a bit slow and has been known to wear himself out as a passionate denizen of the New York’s nightlife. I on the other hand have not smoked crack cocaine since 1994, but I do bleed easily from the nose. I’m not sure who has the advantage based on the above facts."

inspired by Ames' example, here is an approximate breakdown of the difference between my yin and Ms. Palmer:

Palmer is white, 34, reasonably famous, and has no eyebrows. my yin is tan, 33, reasonably anonymous, and has eyebrows – although I do not know how this affects her chances. both practice yoga, but my yin never does so while drinking beer, which has to give her an edge over Palmer. also, to my knowledge, my yin has never smoked crack cocaine (undoubtedly a plus) and goes to bed earlier than Palmer, who is well-known to suffer simultaneously from jet lag and mania.

Amanda Palmer in vrksasana

my yin in adho mukha svanasana

not all the cards are stacked in my yin's favor, however, because unlike Ames (who ate herring in order to gain a psychological and aromatic advantage), i refuse to kiss her if she chooses to eat gifilte fish as part of her training regimen. furthermore, if Ames' experience is any indicator, my yin's Jew(ish)ness may be a disadvantage, because he was pummeled by the goyim Leslie over the course of three rounds, like some twisted inversion of David and Goliath.

these things will probably never come to pass.

probably, i will eventually stop procrastinating (like now) and return to my paper. probably, i will turn it in on Tuesday and not give it another thought unless i attempt to publish it. probably, i will forget all about these things until the next time i go see Palmer perform. but on that day...

v.

she better be ready to rumble.