the bachelor party

the set-up:
1) take one non-gambling vegetarian and place him in a casino steakhouse for a 3½ hour feeding frenzy. 2) populate the room with ½ strangers, ½ acquaintances, and 2 quasi-intimate friends. 3) place on the table endless breads and grease-laden sides of spinach, sweet potatoes, and asparagus. 4) close the meal with a 2 giant desert platters and a $75 dollar tab for my $10 salad.

(the need to run this experiment has ended)

the punchline:
i come home and tell her:
"i'm distended, unshaven, my tummy hurts, and my pee smells funny."

she replies:
"you're a dream come true."