waiting to drown

two nights ago i dreamed i was on an ocean liner. i walked the decks, wearing a life preserver, and eventually found myself at the rear of the boat looking out over the edge at the sea below. i stepped up onto the railing and jumped.

i felt the cold rush of water pass my ears and, before the life preserver could pull me back to the surface, i pulled it up across my shoulders and over my head. it sat floating next to me while i calmly waited to drown. but this is beside the point.

the point is that the dreams are (slowly) beginning to return, and i still hold hope that they might somehow serve to relive this strain i am under.