my doppelgänger, the monkey

internally recurring dream - living in [my grandmother's] basement, a duplex where i never see the other occupant. this goes on and on and on. i begin to doubt my sanity, thinking my cohort is merely a fragment of my own psyche.

i leave, he stays.
i stay, he leaves.

[my yin-in-law] is there part of the time, perhaps visiting. i keep going to an abandoned mine area like Ore Knob. scorched metallic earth. i look there for weapons to use against unknown enemies and myself.

i come, i go.

there is a party at my apartment, but i do not see my doppelgänger. there are monkeys everywhere and time wears on. my sanity grows thinner and thinner. eventually i leave the basement. trying to exit, i'm impaired and crash into boxes scattered throughout the garage.

my doppelgänger emerges.

i take my gun and aim at my own head, meaning to kill him. he is a monkey though, and i change strategy. i shoot him and flee into the road and onto the basin below. another monkey runs from his condo, carrying a bullwhip. it lassos me, but i catch the whip with my arm, spin the animal around my head, and toss it into the creek. there are more coming for me

- dozens more -

and i know eventually i will grow tired. i have been had . the monkeys had it planned all along, slowly driving me mad. the whole time i thought i was training the monkeys, sneaking behind their backs, getting drunk - this whole time they were actually training me. i want to die. i want to escape...

i know it's too late.

- written upon waking, 1:35 am