i can still feel the still, but...

i have a friendly acquaintance, perhaps even a friend, who once told me he required a certain amount of stress (i believe it was a 7-7.5) to function. he said that a level or 1 or 2 was inadequate, whereas an 8 or 9 was too much. i remember thinking at the time what an odd way to order one's life.

[lapse]

it seems i have spent the past three weeks at an 8, making escalatory decisions masquerading as obligation. i can still feel the still, but it's been taking me longer to get there. luckily, fate interceded and my foolhardy vocational assent was rescinded.

i'm taking this empty weekend for some reflection, some pizza, and some Madness - reminding myself exactly what it is i'm doing here.