On the way back from the gym I was thinking about Denver and the taste of balloons, the drive from Julian to Colfax to Sherman. How that life – once real to me – now exists only in memory and Dream.
I'm getting more comfortable letting go, realizing it was never real to begin with – the [deleted], the tragedy, the nihilism – they were all false, held together only by samskara and force of will, the repetition of failed attempts to touch the divine, lifetimes spent lying to myself, pretending death was real, insisting life was fleeting.
The process of letting go is easy once one realizes there was nothing in hand to begin with. - from my journal, 18 June 2009
Saturday, July 18, 2009
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