Wednesday, October 28, 2009

"the incident"

"the incident" occurred last night at approximately 7:19pm, when i attempted to patch a hole in my closet using an (non-)aerosol caulk-like substance. its expansive properties proved to be prodigious, and surplus goo came foaming out of the hole and dripped down the wall. without thinking, i quickly wiped away the mess, only to discover that it was sticky.

very sticky.

being a supergenius, i acted without thinking and ran to the faucet, rubbing my hands together until the goo was spread over every inch of flesh. and then, for the first time, it occurred to me that perhaps i should read the directions. moments later i stood in my hallway scanning the small print on the side of the can. applicable words included:

"extremely sticky."

nearly twenty-four hours have passed since then, and the list of (would-be) solvents include: soap, water, scrub brush, finger nails, olive oil, acetone, pumice, WD-40, Goof-Off, and lacquer thinner. thus far, none off the concoctions have worked - although the lacquer thinner did provide slight intoxication, a lingering headache, and an intense burning sensation on the tops of my hands.

as a result i've walked around all day, half-maddened by the dried film of caulk covering my skin. i scratch, i wash, i pick, i shuffle around examining my hands and talking to myself like some absurd mix between a person with OCD and a methamphetamine addict.

(in need of constant adult supervision)

1 comment:

  1. HAHA! I had a similar experience not too long ago. Over the summer my dad wanted me to fill in the rungs of a ladder with Great Stuff Caulk I believe it was called so when it was on the ladder rack of his truck the wind wouldn't cause a whistling sound when he drove (it's an aluminum ladder with hollow rungs).

    I was instructed to wear gloves.

    I was told it is VERY expansive material so be careful not to over flow the rungs.

    Needless to say: CAULK EVERYWHERE!

    My hands: COVERED!

    Took weeks for that stuff to wear off!

    --Michelle

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