yesterday saw the close of another experiment, and i was left (this morning) with the futile, irresistible task of trying to articulate that which cannot be named:
"... this sharing of our process, her knowing me knowing her, knowing it is all the same in spite of the illusion of separation, exploring the illusion, charting its geography so that when we become lost we have the landmarks, places we have seen before, the places we recognize as familiar and false." - from my journal, 16 July 2009
the temptation (for me) is to take these moments and try to explain them, to warp the emotion into art, to burden them with the weight of explanation and meaning. but none of these things were present yesterday. it just felt empty and sad, and i didn't try to feel that vacant room in the center of my being with all the pretty words that might have been said.
it is only now that i see the circle, the echo of this moment in the shadow of the past:
"Dean and I are embarking on a tremendous season. We're trying to communicate with honesty and absolute completeness everything on our minds." - On the Road, p. 41
(no benzedrine was involved in the making of this blog)
Thursday, July 16, 2009
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