Thursday, December 10, 2009

two dreams, unrelated, ?

did i bite off more than i can chew?
can i do this?
did i do something wrong?

is this tree i'm barking up not my own?

... all these things percolate overnight and i dream of my computer filled with water; a heavy dew has fallen in the student union where i left it overnight. Dr. ______ is somewhere in the dreamscape, but i do not know where. i pour the water out, hoping it will turn back on, waiting for it to dry.

it all seems so logical and frightening

and segues into a dream of the theater. ropes run through head blocks and come undone from arbors. the curtain hovers overhead as try to retie the knot...

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

theory v. praxis

in spite of this afternoon's escapades, i still believe in the conceptual viability of tamari/mirin pumpkin seeds. unfortunately, the stickily sweet glob drying in the kitchen tells a different story, and - besides their distressing, distinctive lack of tamari-ness - my cooking them stove top also led to the inclusion of olive oil, which i now realize was applied in excess. rather than viewing it as a failed experiment, however, i prefer to think of it as an illustration of the gap between theory and praxis. but this is beside the point.

the point is that my yin and i leave for North Carolina in a few days, and last night we entered into a conversation regarding Cao GuimarĂ£es' maddening masterpiece nanofania. we encountered the piece at the midpoint of our Art Basel excursion, and if not for my attempt to (self-)medicate a wicked headache with Coca-Cola, we may have passed it by without giving it the time and attention it deserved.

fortunately, the botanical garden (and its outbuilding) next to the convention center had been overrun (like the rest of Miami) by the Swiss art behemoth, and one room - empty and dark - made it the perfect choice for my convalescing. inside,
(i listened:)
to most composition systems,
(languages, codes, etc.),
there is an internal logic,
cohesion and coherence.
the piece
(a filmic score)
breaks those ties.
for example,
the image of a bubble bursting
()
has no relation to the sound
(volume, pitch, etc.)
of a toy piano -
other than that determined by the composer.
furthermore,
a different note on that same piano
(found noise, etc.)
need not relate to the first sound.
the composition is thus freed from the bounds
(and limitations)
of its notation system.

Monday, December 7, 2009

apparently,

this time last year i was
procrastinating
and writing
things
like:

Memories
(Dia de playa)

I saw a glimpse of heaven
up the skirt of a second story balcony,

but it was only a memory:

a Polaroid couple at the shore, the hand
of a photographer left alone.

Romance dies; art
inevitably follows.

We stood in front of a mirror pocked and punctured,
watching our reflection deteriorate and
give way to what lie ahead.

We took a picture, like
the old man fifty years before, so
we would have something to hold onto.
[lapse]
I didn't cry until the next
morning, when I began
putting it down on
paper, and began
letting go; the
art we were
becoming
the art
this
is.

Dia de playa, a photograph by Patricio Reig

Sunday, December 6, 2009

oops(?) i did it again

somehow, midnight is nigh; i have written myself halfway into a story whose exposition, exegesis, and elocution have grown increasingly murky. i find myself looking for climaxes under rocks, and chipping away at pebbles of sand with icicles.

in how many languages might one prevaricate?
(un, deux, trois...)

yesterday there was a pornographic platypus in Miami, and i found myself sore-footed and transit-less, trying to survey acres of art between bouts of rain and headache. there was a malice in the clouds, and we waited for the weather to break in the shadow of a run-down Days Inn while passers-by shucked and jived in innumerable languages. between the German and French and Spanish and Portuguese, one could hear the building moan as the winds came ashore, whispering of 1972 and the days before high-rise cocaine couture invaded South Beach...

words are nothing
more than tangents
splayed into oblivion.

Saturday, December 5, 2009

NO LOITERING

the start of the week, i found myself in a conversation about gentrification, and one of the side effects was an interrogation of loitering. i thought about stoops and sidewalks and the laundromat across the street from my apartment. i considered the underlying logic of a law designed to prevent people from congregating without purpose.
who defines purpose?

as far i can reckon, the "NO LOITERING" sign takes - as a starting point - that the natural state for a person is to be either:

1) in one's own box
2) in someone else's box
3) in transit between boxes

it sounds strange stated this way, but it also appears necessary. loitering as criminal endeavor can only seem commonsensical to a society that embraces (implicitly) the notion of an underlying deviancy to open spaces and social gatherings motivated by purposes other than commerce.

that being said, we could learn a lot from Peter:

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

in the thrall of Walter Benjamin

earlier today i finished an epic examination of Heath Ledger and The Dark Knight, running the gamut from Jack to Kahlil and back again to the feet of the maestro. it was like staring at a mirror hung askew;

i felt the weight of my gaze turned back upon me.

i typed, shivering, the final sentence:

"... and as the spectacle of Ledger's passing continues to fade, what emerges is the image of Janus - one face gazing backwards, tracing a boundary between Ledger and ourselves; and the other looking forward, seeking absolution in his lingering presence."

where this leads i do not know, but i managed (for the first time) to string together a single, coherent, compelling line of thought over the course of six thousand words. no fancy tricks, no repetition, no escapes into formalism. one of my goals, of course, is to see it published, but my truest impulse was simply say what i meant, to say simply that which is not.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Spike Lee, gentrification, and the importance of words

two students stayed after their final exam yesterday, and a colleague and i spent 45 minutes talking to them about Spike Lee, gentrification, and the importance of writing down the words you encounter but do not know.

Part 1: Spike Lee

i remember seeing Do the Right Thing when i was about 13 or so. i knew it was good, but it didn't feel good, and i didn't understand the ending. or why i felt like the good guy and the bad guy. or even which one was which.

i didn't have the words for it at the time, but the film captured the emotional complexity of race in America unlike anything i had ever seen or heard. it couldn't be taught, it couldn't be spoken - it could only be felt in the moments when the pizza parlor burned and heard on the sidewalk on the morning after...


Part 2: gentrification

i moved to Washington Heights in August 1999, and i jokingly referred to myself (even back then) as poised on the spear tip of gentrification. the 90's were a good decade for my vocabulary, and i moved to Manhattan with a pocket full of fifty cent words to describe the way i felt. i pointed my entire purpose and being at ridding myself of the parts of me that were not my own, and page after page filled in composition pads as i took the long A Train ride from 181st to Columbus Circle...


Part 3: the importance of words

eventually i learned that i would never rid myself of the parts of me that were not my own because there is nothing that is not my own. i learned that all those fifty cent words were bankrupt, that they could never confine or describe the extent of my being.

all the racism, all the sexism, all the consumption - i claim them all. i accept the inevitability of our divinity and marvel at the extent of our hubris. i still write down the words i encounter, but do not know...