Angry Birds, or: "So that's what they mean by process addiction..."

For years I have puzzled over the phenomena of process addictions: behaviors that, although not inherently mind-altering, nonetheless result in patterns as predictable and vice-like as those inspired by more well-known substances like caffeine, gluten, and sugar. Gambling and video game addictions have thus remained equal parts incomprehensible and anathematic to me... until now.

Yesterday I was introduced to Angry Birds by a friend of mine at work. Like any first-time user, I felt a little hesitant, asking questions that sounded like those of a character out of Gus Van Sant's Drugstore Cowboy: "What does the little blue ones do? ... How about the red one? ... How about the white? ..."

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easily Matt Dillon's best role to date

Soon I found myself at home, alone, with nothing to do. My yin, invariably tempering influence on my temperament, was at a Gillian Welch concert 700 miles away, and Andy Sipowicz had not joined me for the evening. Before I knew what had happened, nearly two hours had passed, and then a message arrived from the one who gave me that first sweet taste...

Somewhere in the recesses of my mind, I hear my yin's voice, "Yes, that's exactly what you should be doing with your time..."